its not so bad being "just" friends afterall.

really.
=)

its official.

its overrrrr.

there's no running away frm it now.

goodbye special frien.

hello friend.

I LOVE THE NEW BEETLE CABRIOLET!

i won $1.20 at a mahjong game but! its not enuff to cover all my losses.
gahhhh!
lost a fair bit at dai dee.

hahaha you nv wear red underwear

i was wearing a red top.
damnit. not potent enuff....

hahahahahaa.

im supposed to be saving up, not throwing money into the drain.

small money dun go out, big money dun come in

yayayaya.
idiot.
was refraining myself frm scolding him on cny.

outflows for 04

diving lessons on the way.
by naui - 2 classroom lessons, 2 pool lessons, 5 dives; all gear included.
all for $399.
the more ppl the merrier man, so we can all get a cheaper rate :D

nydc cake treat every beginning of the mth

monthly splurges
feb: sweater
mar: swiss knife
and the list goes on

i foresee wakeboarding sessions coming up.
basically, any post yep outing requires money lah.

and of cos, yr end trip which may or may not materialise.
as expected, his exam falls on the 1st 2 weeks of dec.
i knew it i knew it i knew it
i knew such a day wld come
and i dun think it came true cos according to some, i was jinxing my trip before hand.
hell, i was justtttt preparing myself for the unexpected.
murphy's law at work lah.
he's still keen to go and we're going bar hopping over there during xmas eve =)

lets hope all his papers in the 1st week.

i must remind myself to be happy.
i must remind myself to be happy.
i must remind myself to be happy.
i must remind myself to be happy.
i must remind myself to be happy.

great. im starting to sound psychotic.

i woke up feeling kinda good this morning.
something new.

i haven been happy ever since sch started.
was telling elf abt it yesterday," i wonder when i will snap out of it."
maybe today.
maybe today is the day.

i shld be happy in the new year.
fortunately, i have 2 new yrs to look 4ward to.

why is the world looking so bleak to me these days?
why do i feel tt life is so dead and dull?
why do i feel hurt over the stupidest things?
why do i feel sad at nite?

why cant i be more magnanimous,
why am i so sensitive?
why cant i have an open mind, an open heart,
why do i dwell on the past?

why do i feel sad when i passed these places?
why doesnt this stabbing feeling stop.
why am i so stubborn?
why do i feel so restless?

why cant i make things work?
why cant u make things work?
why dont u try,
why dont u try?

why am i so pathetic?
why cant i be more bubbly?
why am i so quiet?
why have i lost my tongue.

why cant i find my energy
why cant i pick myself up?
why do i have to pretend,
that im ok when im not.

why cant i cry freely?
why do i have to act strong?
why dun i sleep more,
why do i think too much.

too many too many.
can someone tell me why.

feelin' blue, while I'm trying to forget the feeling that I miss you
...
feelin' yellow, I'm confused inside
a little hazy but mellow when I feel your eyes on me

feelin' fine! sublime!
when that smile of yours creeps into my mind

darius - colourblind

i feel sad whenever i come online these days.
i duno wads making me sad.
the computer?
the chair?
icq?
blogger?
i just feel sad sitting here.

assuming that you and ur gal fren got to know the same guy at the same time.
and u do know that ur fren is a littleeeeeee bit interested in him.
wld u still get close to him?

i wont.
im strictly hands off my fren's object of affection.
i dun think its very nice to do that.
wldnt she be hurt/jealous if she knew tt i am actually closer to him than she tot i was?
perhaps my fren wldnt mind, i duno.
afterall, we are all just making a new friend here.
or perhaps im too sensitive and i think too much.

maybe i am abit conservative.
i dun get close to my gal fren's bf either.
unless we were already close b4 he got attached to my gal fren.

wad say u?

i just wrote an apology email.

just becos someone was impulsive.

and i had to like say sorry to everyone involved.

can ppl stop being so impulsive?
just talk things thru with me first can?

gaaaaaaaah!

oh yay i bought my waist pouch finally =)
from OP, blue in colour.
i prefer the grey one but apparently there is no more stock all over sg.
yes, grey is tat popular.

oh well, the blue one is more girlish lah, so i reckon its ok.
ive grown quite fond of wearing a waist pouch ever since i went cambodia.

lalalaaalalaa waiting for feb...so i can buy my esprit sweater.
hopefully it will still be there

waiting for march, so i can get my swiss knife kekekee

oh my... all outflow no inflow -_-

am gonna shut my trap from now onwards.
been saying really ditzy stuff.

to the one who is "so off" :

and if you said
this life ain't good enough
i would give my world to lift you up
i could change my life to better suit your mood
cause you're so smooth

santana - smooth
friends 4ever.
perhaps id let u cut my hair some day =)

and...

to the one whom i love bumping into (i still do):

when it's over
that's the time I fall in love again
and when it's over
that's the time you're in my heart again
and it never ends

sugar ray - when its over
it hurts to see u nowadays.
but it hurts me more...
to see u every single day and to let u walk away...
"don't say hello if u really meant goodbye"

so have u gotten ur sign(s)?

nope, i changed my prayer. im leaving everything to god; im leaving everything in his hands...

i think god already gave me an answer.

a small part of me wished tt i had misinterpreted it.

yea i do miss him.
a little.
i miss his cheerful smiles.

Post Expedition Activities for Raindrop@PreyVeng

Primary Objectives

-To have fun and maintain the network established during the expedition

-To contribute back to those who need our help, in whatever ways possible.

The activities are listed to 3 broad categories.

1. Community Service

1.1 Using the expedition team as an entity to adopt a local Voluntary Welfare Organisation as our organisation of choice.

1.2 Offer to improve on OHF website

1.3 Act as a liason between kids of hope village to one of the Singaporean organisation

1.4 Setup a raindrop website

1.5 As a team , organise a water conservation exhibition / talk in the primary / secondary schools

1.6 Presentation about the project in SMU open house

1.7 Water audit with PUB for the VWOs in Singapore

1.8 Kite making session and kite flying session with local kids

1.9 Blood donation drive

1.10 Beach cleaning activities

1.11 Participating in Chingay 2004 as a usher/ crowd control

1.12 Participating in the PAYM activities


2. Self Enrichment

2.1 Commemorative souvenirs for the expedition team members[ examples are coffee table book with pix taken by every one , poster, calendar]

2.2 Attend the SALT course attended by the expedition leaders so that everyone knows how to do RA assessment . =p

2.3 Hair styling courses

2.4 Paper making session

2.5 Roller Blading at East Coast

2.6 Night Cycling

2.7 Wakeboarding

2.8 Round island canoeing

2.9 Kayaking course

2.10 Rock climbing orientation / certification course

2.11 Participation in mass walks

2.12 Photography courses


3. Excursions

3.1 Lao Yu Sheng for year 2004

3.2 Excursion to Bangkok , shopping and such

3.3 Excursion to Chek Jawa at Pulau Ubin. Take Photos and get our feet wet being at a part of Singapore that we normally do not go to .

3.4 Sungei Buloh Nature reserve visit organised by ??? [- Same as item 3.2 ]

3.5 Excursion to Batam

3.6 Sports Bash for one of SMU student societies. A fund raising activity

3.7 Pulau Ubin Cycling ++ Camping trip

3.8 Fishing overnite at East Coast

3.9 Sentosa Beach Chillout, beach volleyball, etc

3.10 Kelong Stay

3.11 Camping at St John’s Island

3.12 Phototaking session with themes like [ sunset / sunrise ]

3.13 Star gazing sessions

_______________________________________________

like what Qing yao said, "all these activities can last us for 20yrs! each mth do one... but must do all the vigourous ones first, if not we old liao canot do!"
siao =D

so fun so fun~
i can't wait

i need to tidy up my room.
so messssssssy!
but i wish i were like andrew- he just closes his bedroom door during CNY.

i need to plan my time properly.
i need to revise my sch work, exercise and work (if i really do find a part time)
maybe i shldnt hiam so much abt the distance.
town shld be ok lah since sch is near there
but waste time going home when i knock off.
erm hagan diaz at esplanade is hiring...hehe...

im going wakeboarding sometime after CYN~
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee~ =D

so tempted to get a SLR!
all the better if it is a digital one!
but super ex...digital ones start from $1k at the very least
-bishhhhh-
looks like i cant have the best of both worlds.
-grim-
btw SLR are those traditional cameras.
or some ppl wld call it the pro pro one.

saw iris' photo album today.
she took some pics of me and almost all were of my sideview.
with the exception of 1, which made me look like a bunny.
okaaaaay, i have nv seen myself looking like a bunny.
so weird hahahaha doesnt look quite like me..

i do not like my sideview :|
nv liked it.
told her but she insisted on taking my sideview >_<
anyway told iris of our...i mean, my plans for backpacking this dec eg besides going vietnam, we popping by prey veng and check out the orphanage den also explore other parts of cambodia we didnt go this time round.
she's fine with it =)
but she said its abit dangerous to take train to thailand and then cross over to either vietnam or cambodia.
anyway dec is still a freakin long way away.
food for tot: wld i still go backpacking with ulysses if iris canot make it?
but i do know that i wld still go with iris if ulysses canot make it.
hmm wad if i canot make it?
-_-

okok dec is still a long way, dec is still a long way
-chants-

today is 11th jan
i shall try lose 5 more kgs by 11th feb.

the no-apparant-reason material wishlist:
1) swiss knife
2) a pair of Rollerblade blades
3) addidas windbreaker
4) hugo woman intense
5) waist pouch
6) mac ibook
7) casio ex-z3 digicam
8) new pair of lenses
9) addidas shades
10) hipster jeans
11) a car
12) wireless broadband access at home

the always-on-my-mind non-material wish list:
1) thinner
2) better grades
3) healthier
4) happier
5) get a life
6) get a part time job [ok, so this one is a little material in nature...hee]
7) see the world, or part of it
8) do better in sports
9) luckier
10) get a bf

not in any order of preference =)

erm to those who have been trying to leave msgs in my comment box- sorrie, i have no idea wad happened and of cos, thanks for trying =)

i am suffering from UE.
or UC, whichever way u wanna call it; i dun think it makes much difference.
hmmmmmm...
i am suffering from both UE and UC. i think.
gosh, its worse than i tot.

excerpts from an email:

exp plus twelve and counting ...

dear friends,

it's been twelve days since our group photo at changi airport ...

we're in what's known as the "post-expedition" phase now ...

and what exactly is that?

that's what i've been trying to figure out as i slack between sleep and
snacks ... that's how you tune into the inspiration channel know :)

beyond those activities ... what next?
ahhh ... that's pretty interesting as well ... cos i tend to think of
post-ex as not so much as the end but more like, hmm, a beginning ...
but of what ... it depends on your answer to the question:

Wanna go on another YEP!?

... ok, ok jus kidding ... rather the question i have in mind is :

having done what we did ...
knowing now what we now ...
are we all jus raring to go back to life as before?
or perhaps there's something more?

and i leave you with that lingering thought ...

over and out,
xxx

life is back to normal, as usual, and when does it ever not anyway -_-
i remember how i dread returning back home.
sure, its good to be back but when u r home bound, ur old responsibilities just creep back on u.
for me, they are things like sch work, my club stuff (esp my club stuff) and all the responsibilities a 21 yr old shld have.
i didnt have to give a damn abt things outside my YEP back in cambodia.
no, i didnt even have to care abt my image! there was none.
ok i know some ppl will argue tt i nv had an image but this is my blog, i say wadever i wan =D
so let me repeat myself: no, i didnt even have to care abt my image! there was none.

life was good in cambodia.
away from civilization and my responsibilitites which nv left me when i was back home.
the only 3 pieces of news i receieved back there was
1) saddam was caught
2) suspected sars case
3) steve chai incident

my physical well being had nv been better.
i woke up at 6am [cambodian time] everyday
i ate 3 meals a day.
work started at 7am and ended by 5.30pm
we went for sunset breaks everynow and then
i slept early every night, except for the last few days i was there.
and did i mention the night sky was grrrreat too?

i wish i cld keep up with this lifestyle back home but sad to say, i can't.
i can't anymore.
there are things u bring back with you and there are things u leave behind.

i dun wan to dramatise my life but i guess its true, it will not be the same again.
no matter how ordinary my life may appear to be now, a small part of me knows that changes have indeed taken place.
it has been 5 days and counting since i started sch and i have yet to switch back to study mode.
but frankly, i guessed i am reluctant to switch back.
i am reluctant to face the monotony of life in sg, i am reluctant to shoulder my responsibilitites.
to quote 1 of my sch's newest catch phrase "embrace something beyond the classroom-life"
i am still searching for it ladies and gents.

this whole trip in a way, had been a surreal one.
i recall on the bus in phnom penh, all the street scenes i took in seemed so unreal - was i watching everything from a tv or was i really there.
on the 28th dec, i was telling someone in sg i had crepes for dinner in cambodia.
and when she asked me when was it, i replied, "just yesterday".

my reminder of this whole yep trip: 20 new friends, wonderful memories and a watersystem sitting quietly between the chapel and dorms.

gosh, i feel soooooo erm handicapped (?) without my laptop.

cos i am doing a module now which requires a laptop.
to those who do not know, here is an update on wad the heck happened to my laptop:

i have no idea.

yes.
u heard me right.

it just decided to corrupt its hard disk one fine day.
and its now at the fujitsu service center.

something like this:

yay saw yuyu just now and he gave me a really nice smile

good lah, someone is happy now =p

hehehehee he super made my day

i wished i had someone to make my day too

ive been thinking abt 'the other one' for the whole morning. he doesnt make my day like yuyu does. he doesnt make my day. not at all.

well den isnt the choice obvious?

yes yes everything is crystal clear now.
but den again, they are very different ppl lah.
it depends on wad i wan out of life.

which guy wld u choose?
someone who nv fails to make u smile?
or a (near) perfect guy -he is everything u wan in a bf/husband- but your r/s is full of ups and downs.
i say dear fren, the ans is pretty obvious too.

quote of the day:
i am terribly broke
i do not have money to buy my txtbks

I just ain't the same when you're away
You are my inspiration
I'm hanging on to every word you say
'Cos you are my motivation
You make me feel so right
Every day and night

'Cos the only time I think of you
Is every day and all night through
Whenever I breathe you're on my mind
Every day and night

-Billie Piper: Day & Night-

something is lacking in my life- excitement.
everyday revolves around sch, sch and more sch.
borrrring.
tts the reason why i am attracted to him.
he's exciting.
not terribly so but enough to keep me intrigued.

see.
i am this boring, a little excitement goes a long way for me.

i guess deep down inside, i wished i were like him too, living life on the edge.

havoc havoc havoc.
i need to let my hair down.
go absolutely crazy.

it feels so good, so good.

i am dying of boredom.
heeeeeeelpppppppppppppp~

i realised i cant handle a guy like you.
i cant.

sibey havoc leh
but tt's wad i find so intriguing abt u.

opposites attract.

it wld be madness.
but i wld give it all to do so.
just ask me and i will.
_____________________

i believe u can be compatible with many ppl but u just have to decide on 1 and say "this is it, i'm going for it" - boss

Confession: I fall in and out of love easily.
Amendment: I fall in and out of like easily.

Ordinarily, I would not have taken a liking to someone like him.

Leave everything behind; let the dust settle, back to SG, back to reality.
Be careful, it bites.
Ouch.

last purchase of 2003 - my zodiac jigsaw puzzle at $60.
when will i start doing it?
i have no idea.

to all my friends, past and present, new and old:

thank you for the good and bad times
sorry if i ever irritated you

studies have been consistant in 2003
it shall be better in 2004

new friendships have been forged in 2003
i shall try to maintain it in 2004

life was good in 2003
and it will be better in 2004