shes in like with a soldier.

shes not.
she doesnt even know if she likes him.

she does.
why else wld she bother to look twice at him whenever he walks by?
why wld she whisper his name to her frens when he is in sight?
and why wld she grow self concious when hes in proximity?
why even bother looking at his backview in class?
why get jealous over a posed photograph?

but her heart does not beat wild nor flutters when she sees him...

in sch now, taking a break from my studies.

ho hum.
dum dee dee doo.

finally managed to contact alton and he's fine.

yah im fine. im taking precautions. thanks :>

he doesnt have to go to sch either- his uni is closed till monday.

how come only poly and uni students are protesting abt the non-closeur of schs?
i dun see ITE ppl complaining.
ok wadever, just a tot k.

tata.

im bored im bored im bored im bored im bored.
im terribly bored.

ive been rotting away in this house for 3 days and counting (todays the 4th)

everyone's bz with proj and more proj!
-exasperated-
seems like im the only one already let off the hook.

and nobodeeeee's homeeeeee~
-pouts-

i wldnt have mind so much if i had a nice affectionate cat keeping me company or some furry rabbits or hamsters.

my toy cat doesnt count.

everyday, im wasting my life away online.
reading garfield comics, reading blogs, updating blog (like...now), checking mails..
like i told james and adrienne, if i were to sit here any longer, id turn into a vegetable.
and to which adrienne replied : im surprised u hadnt

ha ha adrienne. ha ha.

so i said something in rebuttal and she did tt spanish thing on me, again.

im wastng away from isolation.

what??? u have sars???

no im just bored staying at home.
alone.
for 3 days.
and yes, counting.

i need some human contact.

bring me to ur leader u earthling!
muahahahahahaaa!

deliver me frm my solace someone.

i wasted my thurs, fri and most prob my sat and sun too~

rotted my time away online when i shld be studying.
well, dun get me wrong, i want to study but i cant do it at home.
unfortunately.

ok maybe i havent been trying hard enuff.
there are instances where i have studied at home...
before and after i found out my nasty habit of studying outside.
mainly before, lah.
-sheepish-

anyway, i really feel like going out recently
haven been outside for quite some time..
ah no sch doesnt count :(

and now sars is all over the place,
my mom wld rather i stay at home 24/7.
esp since i have no more sch until my exams on 14th apr..

and im worried abt alton, he's in hk.
i havent been seeing him online these few days and i hope he's ok :|

but i have to go back sch...to study..
even planned a stayover (in sch) with some frens.
hehe yupPp ive said this once and i shall say this again- quite looking 4ward to it! :D

but then again, i plan to study frm 9am-9pm (in blocks of 3hrs) and den sleep.
hmmmmm...
i think most ppl wld wanna mug thru the night rite, tt explains the stayover in sch.
so im defeating the whole purpose by staying over?
might as well come home and sleep on my beddy rite.

wo bu zhi dao.

i shall see when time comes.

oh and everyone, pls take care of urself.
drink more water, sleep more, try not to touch ur eyes, nose and mouth with ur fingers.
use wet tissues to wipe ur hands...use those with alcohol content.

must protect ourselves frm sars.
-nods-

i feel lost..

cos all of a sudden...

all my lessons are CANCELLED!

SO I HAVE NO MORE SCH TO ATTEND!
AND ALL THE TIME I HAVE IN MY HANDS!

-giggles with joy-

i planned to stay over sch to study during the one week break.
kinda looking 4ward to it :)
im gonna bring my cushions!
i wish i cld bring my bolster there tho.
hmm...
-contemplates-

anyway today is a nice and cheery day.
definitely not feeling upset anymore.
spoke to mr b on sunday and was quite comforted by him.

i guess it all boils down to expectations?
having less of it makes everyone a happier person.
i shall try to do just tt.

i duno wads wrong with me.
i think its pms.

was really really down yest.
and the feeling was amplified a kazillion times by pms.

argh.
sigh.

and even till today,
the sadness remains.

i still feel like crying.

someone pls take me to the lab for analysis.
cut my brain up.
gimme a jab.
take away all shreds of emotions i have or have left.
leave me cold and heartless.
pls.

pls pls pls pls pls.

why is everything screwing up on me today?!
my hp screwed up on me today just when i needed it the most!
argh all the pent up frustrations!
i can tell no one!
ok lucky for you cos u might be the one i had wanted to call...
everyone is ignoring me today

how come nobody ever take note of me?
nobody listens when i speak.
how come no one ever realised when i am pissed, sad or fed up?
how come everyone is so blind to my emotions?

why?

stupid idiot
im a wreck next to u and u dun even know it
all u care for is ur games.

i want to go home :(

there is this tad of sadness living inside of me that nv really goes away.

and it has been triggered off tonite.

and so many times b4.

my results frm ColorQuiz.

Your Existing Situation
Readily participates in things that provide excitement or stimulation. Wants to feel exhilarated.

Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Feels she is receiving less than her share, but that she will have to conform and make the best of her situation.
Emotionally inhibited. Feels forced to compromise, making it difficult for her to form a stable emotional attachment.

Your Desired Objective
Her need to feel more causative and to have a wider sphere of influence makes her restless and she is driven by her desires and hopes. May try to spread her activities over too wide a field.

Your Actual Problem
Feels insufficiently valued in her existing situation, and is seeking different conditions in which she will have greater opportunity of demonstrating her worth.

i officially name tues my bad mood day.
it is a day i morph into an anti-social and moody creature.
not by choice but becos blah blah blah blah blah blah.
u know.

i think like being anti-social.

Dolphin Lagoon, Sentosa

The Indo-Pacific Humpback Dolphins - most of them originallly caught from the wild - are still having to entertain the public as can be seen here. Although brochures advertising the shows make mention of coming to see them in their `natural environment', in their natural environment they would not be forced to perform tricks in order to get food.

One of the feats that they have been trained to do is to heave their bodies up on to the stage, completely out of the water, and even wag their tails once they are up there. Surely this is not something the dolphins do in their natural environment?

Visitors are also allowed to touch the dolphins or have a polaroid picture taken with them while the patient creatures remain still.

The SPCA strongly objects to the dolphins being used in this manner under the title of `delightful and educational activities' . We ask the public not to support such shows which have minimal educational value.
_____________________________

saw this article on the spca website and felt tt they are being overly fanatic abt protecting animals?
this seems to me like quite an emotive arguement.

im sure the sentosa brochures meant "natural environment" as in the ENVIRONMENT ONLY.
the dolphines are in their natural environment arent they?
they are not being ill treated while tricks are being taught to them. (i hope)

and the dolphins are not forced to perform tricks to get food as written in the passage above.
it's not as if they are fed only when they perform tricks.
the food are given to them as rewards.
and im sure they have proper meals thruout the day.
tts so much better than dolphins dying out there when they canot find food rite? or got caught in nets.
the dolphins at sentosa are so much luckier.

i suggest spcc write and complain abt the zoos too then.
cos sealions arent supp to play with a ball and clap their flippers.
dont visitors get to pat ah meng and take polariod pictures with it while ah meng remains still?
oh and the mandai zoo is ever so proud of recreating a "natural environment" for the animals there arent they?

hey dolphine lagoon, maybe u guys shld extend ur briefing abt dolphins to say 1 hr?
den it wld be more educational.

yaya im being emotive here too.

alrite, its official.
i get to be facilitator for my sch's upcoming obs!

the bonus: the guy im beoing IS going too. cheers.
the down: the girl i dislike IS going too. groans.

so this is it~
either i get to know him now or never.

so wad now?

if we are fated to be frens (or more), den we will be going obs on the same day.
[3 sessions of obs- 2 in july and 1 in aug]

i duno if i shld pray tt we attend obs on the same day or not.
cos usually, the more u wan something to happen, the more it doesnt.
and the more u dun want something to happen, it happens!
murphy's law at work.
gosh i do not wan to go obs on the same day as TAT girl~!

but someone once told me this: but sometimes if u wan something badly enuff, it will happen...
oh really...
it has nv happened to me.

anyway i have a feeling tt we might not be going on the same day.
err 'we' meaning me and the guy.
we had 2 same lessons but nv got to know each other.
so y shld obs be any different?

happiness so fleeting
i wrap my fingers gently around it
amazed at the power it possesses
to lift me up and bring me down

i played it round my fingers
and watch the colours turn
frm red to orange to yellow
to green to blue to green

i cldnt bear to hold it
within the jails of my grasp
for the more u try to keep it
the more the fear i may lose it

i watch it disappear in the distance
wondering if i shld cry or rejoice
as some happiness found other happiness
and some were left to die

stuffs i gathered frm the visit to a bridal shop:

1) all the brides are thin. and i mean thin.
2) u have to be reallie patient to be a SA in the bridal shop
3) i look old

"nice guys finish last."
"i wonder if nice girls finish last too..."
"nice girls dun even start."

argh but oh so true.
at least for me.

i wanted to say something but i am at a loss for words.

wad can i say to make things all rite again?
wad can i say to ease her sadness?
wad can i say to bring back the sunshine?
wad can i say to turn back time?

if i cld, i wld gladly take half of ur pain.
if i cld, i wld gladly take half of ur pain.
if i cld, i wld gladly take half of ur pain.

i figured, i cld smile and laff ard her and keep her happy.
even if it means being labelled insensitive in other people's eyes.

to:
the one i sat with on the stairs

blame not my lady
for destiny is not us to be
the threads of life are cut
with her sissors cold and sharp.

sorrow not my lady
for the world is a spinning
and the nights and days awaking

the wings of the bird may be broken
but the soul of her love remains

and trust tat souls torn apart may unite once again.

i just got a reality slam.

ever realised how much it sucked to hear the truth frm ur frens?
some issues which u do not wish/ want to face up to and there they go saying it out loud into ur face.

and i feel kinda lousy right now.

lousy, down, a little hurt maybe.
silly, perhaps.

silly tt i shld sound so naive and happy.
hurt tt someone threw a wet blanket over me.
down tt someone had to spell out reality so clearly before me.
and lousy cos of all the above.

everyone's making me sick tonite.

dunno leh...seems to me u lost potential happiness...

i dun wanna even think about it.

some things lost can never be salvaged.

so y do i feel sick at the mere mention of it?

ive acquired a taste for black tops recently.

i cant rem when was the last time i wore one.
but i dun think i wld wear another colour again.

it was until i finally donned on a black top again did i realise how much i am in love with that colour.

i used to wear black to hide flab.
not tt i am any slimmer now (in fact i gained an astronomical amt of weight)
but black takes on a whole new meaning now.

it gives me inner peace...

lame but true.